Altoids


Warning: if you chew this gum for too long (say the length of time you are in the temple of Eck interviewing the media relations contact who definitely doesn’t like you, about three hours) it will spontaneously turn into a substance like a warm spider web in your mouth that quickly spreads itself over every surface in your mouth in complete defiance of any chewing attempts. warning #2: do NOT stick your finger in your mouth in response. you will not be able to extract said substance, as the substance is now performing sub-atomic particle division and the person who is talking to you will not fail to notice the wet toilet paper-like substance now coating your fingers and lips and chin. on the other hand, don’t throw out the tin: it’s just the right size for a few cigarettes for a few hours’ motorcycle trip. you’re welcome.

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