Ok, now I knew Ellen was gay for years before it became network news but I had to actually read People magazine (I know and shut up) to find out that her new love is Portia deRossi, who is so fucking cute and so fucking funny and she’s on my favorite, Arrested Development, and why didn’t anyone tell me and why was I born a hetero? That’s it: I’m hereby devoting my entire life to Porta DeRossi for the next 20 minutes or so.

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  • Portia needs to stick to the bright reds in the lipstick dept. I’ve seen her looking a little pinched and simian lately — sorry, it’s just her bone structure! When I found out that Cynthia Nixon was having a relationship with a woman I had days of just the weirdest feeling because she really repels me for some reason. There was always something SO FAKE SO SO FAKE about her character Miranda on “Sex and the City” (which I madly adore) — SO FAKE AND DISHONEST but then she would come through with these beautiful authentic moments and just knock me out. Okay, thanks for letting me get that out of my system.

  • This woman does nothing for me.

  • That’s because you’re not a part-time lesbian like me. You really do have to see her in Arrested Development, though. I would WALK to Hollywood to shine the writers’ sandals if they’d let me.

  • You are NOT a lesbian. I bet you don’t even have a membership card. Or know the secret handshake.