I’m a Rabbit!

Something is very, very wrong with me. I guess this is a cry for help. I can NOT stop eating salad. I have been eating about three huge serving bowls of salad a day every single day for the last two weeks. These aren’t simple salads, either. I have to keep driving to the grocery store and replenishing my precious stock of all these ingredients: romaine, greens, spinach, artichoke hearts, black olives, pickled beets, fresh mint, fresh garlic, onion, cucumbers, tomatoes and celery. Everything has to be chopped really small, like Mike’s mom does, Lebanese style. Also, you can’t just sprinkle this and that on there. The garlic, italian parsley, mint and onion all get food processed into a chunky paste like tabouli and it has to be super strong so there are smell lines coming out of the grinder. Slop a huge hunk of it into a bowl, mix in the sharpest possible sherry wine vinegar and 100% P.V.O.O. (Pure Virgin Olive Oil) and mix it all up. The lettuce should be only about half of the salad. By the end, there’s a stinging, marinated mouthful of drippings that you have to drink straight out the bowl, even if it makes your lips hurts for a few hours. God, I can’t stand it. I need some more right now. I am NOT pregnant (I know, because I have willed it so) but what is this all about? I never prepare anything but chips with pre-shredded cheese in the microwave but I’ve got knives and whisks flying and scraping and peeling and tossing and mincing–do I have a vitamin deficiency? Did someone put a hoax on me? It feels like it! Basically, I feel compelled to utterly stuff my entire digestive tract with vegetables like a goose being strangled for pate. Why? WHY?

2 comments to I’m a Rabbit!

  • Oh girl, that is some bad Russian hoodoo someone put on you. When you get the stinging lip thing and you just can’t stop. We call it “Bernie Salad” in my family (as in burn-y, get it?).
    Mmmm-hmmm, you got that hex. Shoo. Just be glad you didn’t get the wasabi hex, but not only is that shit hot and burns up your nasal passages, it’s EXPENSIVE! Ever got such a bad jones for sushi that it has to become a major part of your monthly budget, and you can’t even make the full car payment? I once had the wasabi hex that bad. Shoo.

    Just be careful that you don’t catch your finger in the food processor.

  • I had the wasabi hex two weeks ago! Luckily Scott had just sold a car and we had a reason (and the ducats) to celebrate so we sat like rummies in the dark bar of Sushi Tango and ate until we rolled ourselves back out to the car. Oh GOD, that’s a horrible jones to get, isn’t it? Yesterday I actually had to PULL OVER at a Holiday Station for a hot dog craving. WTF?! I didn’t want steak, or a hamburger, but a rest stop hot dog and I was accepting no substitutes. I wonder if that’s the reason I had one of those end-of-the-world dreams last night.–>