Something is very, very wrong with me. I guess this is a cry for help. I can NOT stop eating salad. I have been eating about three huge serving bowls of salad a day every single day for the last two weeks. These aren’t simple salads, either. I have to keep driving to the grocery store and replenishing my precious stock of all these ingredients: romaine, greens, spinach, artichoke hearts, black olives, pickled beets, fresh mint, fresh garlic, onion, cucumbers, tomatoes and celery. Everything has to be chopped really small, like Mike’s mom does, Lebanese style. Also, you can’t just sprinkle this and that on there. The garlic, italian parsley, mint and onion all get food processed into a chunky paste like tabouli and it has to be super strong so there are smell lines coming out of the grinder. Slop a huge hunk of it into a bowl, mix in the sharpest possible sherry wine vinegar and 100% P.V.O.O. (Pure Virgin Olive Oil) and mix it all up. The lettuce should be only about half of the salad. By the end, there’s a stinging, marinated mouthful of drippings that you have to drink straight out the bowl, even if it makes your lips hurts for a few hours. God, I can’t stand it. I need some more right now. I am NOT pregnant (I know, because I have willed it so) but what is this all about? I never prepare anything but chips with pre-shredded cheese in the microwave but I’ve got knives and whisks flying and scraping and peeling and tossing and mincing–do I have a vitamin deficiency? Did someone put a hoax on me? It feels like it! Basically, I feel compelled to utterly stuff my entire digestive tract with vegetables like a goose being strangled for pate. Why? WHY?