Okay, I’m finally taking applications for new employment! Here are some of the things I can do:

Roll over, play dead, stack things, file things (in order), push buttons, enter and exit elevators, point things out, deliver goods and services, form sentences (or clauses), make lists, cogitate, nap, observe intensely, fret, wipe my feet, be funny (without referring to pirates, tin foil hats, or the frightening nature of clowns) and stir rice, cereal, beans and other objects. Please let me know if you know of any opportunities which could benefit from these or any other imagined skills!

Check my resume! Let me waste your time and I’ll waste your money!

No. Really. I mean it. I need a job. I’ll work anywhere but WalMart, (unless they change their minds about that background check thing.)

Here’s my resume.

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