Now that parents are on the internet…

God, it’s finally happening. I sent a draft of the book to my stepmom because she’s my stepmom and she’s really tough and has read everything and I don’t think she’ll freak out when she sees “blowjob.”

Now my dad writes and says he’s trying to print out the manuscript. Dad! No way! Come on! That’s what the book was about: crazy fathers who invaded my privacy, etc, etc. I mean, I’m glad you paid for my education, my treatments, my orthodontia, hell, my upbringing, but god, you don’t want to know this stuff, really, do you?!

Oh god, this whole memoir thing is a big mistake, I just know it.

3 comments to Now that parents are on the internet…

  • Uncle Alex (who probably shouldn’t be allowed to read your memoir either, come to think of it) gave me the wrong email address, so I fiendishly located you here (and confirmed that I was the nice but dull cousin).

    Here’s the email to you and Cousin Alix that you missed:

    I found the LP (and film) of Grandfather’s conversation with Kerensky, and another film that looks like a sixth grade social studies reel. Dad is having it all converted to cd and dvd. He also wants to know if you need to be home to accept delivery of the miscellanous mementos.

    Plus there was some sentimental stuff that your fans don’t need to read.

    xox

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  • Oh my god.

    That’s it. I’m done for.

    I didn’t say you were dull, did I? Compared to our side of the family you guys may have seemed dull, while in fact you were slowly and doggedly getting educated and worldly and extremely successful.

    How about I tell the story about how Mom pushed me to date your brother/my cousin? Then you could write a book, too!

    Now people who are researching “Kerensky” will find out that Grandfather has a granddaughter who’s wearing his legacy like a pair of barn boots.

    That’s it. I’m getting married and changing my name.