I’m here to help



  1. The word is FOLIAGE: It’s not prounounced FOILAGE;
  2. The word is ETCETERA: It’s not pronounced EXCETERA;
  3. The word is ESPRESSO, it is not pronounced EXPRESSO. Therefore, you cannot name your business “Expresso Yourself.”
  4. “Your” = e.g. “Your snowmobile ran into my Sushi shop.” Something which belongs to you.
  5. “You’re” = “You’re the biggest fan of Journey. You’re an idiot.” Let the apostrophe be your guide. It’s just a mark that says ‘this is normally two words’. So ask yourself, what two words are they?

Bonus Politenessman Rule: When asked if you would care for more coffee or wheatgrass juice, always say, “Thank you” before you say yes or no.

N.B. If you doubt the importance of these rules, just remember that my boss who pronounced “moot” as “MUTE” and used the word a lot, just got fired.

This is the result of spending two days in Cloquet, Minnesota. I am like a colonial Brit living in Inja. I can’t lose touch with my more cultivated native tongue or I shall be no better than the heathens.

Okay, two more, but that’s it!

  1. Don’t do drugs.
  2. Many, many, MANY cops are assholes. Especially cops named David Verdeveen Vereeken, a Minnesota State Highway Patrolman in Carlton County.

p.s. And yes, once I remember how to dink around with these .css settings, I’ll fix that big grey bar on the left and those weird links on the right.

1 comment to I’m here to help

  • HA! “Excetera” and “Expresso” are two of my hugest pet peeves. I have to say I have never heard anyone say “Foilage” out loud, but it would make me spit my espresso on them.