http://www.mnartists.org/home.do

“Armed with shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms”
Yeah, it involves Wisconsin and yeah, it involves sex and corpses. How’d you like to be the one who formed that sentence?

Looks like I might actually make it to one of Marya’s readings for her latest memoir about bipolar disorder. Sure hope I’m in a good mood.
Thursday, May 29 7:30 at Common Good Bookstore

Hero to the rural freelancer, Nesbitt’s Nursery hires me to pick apples, put stickers on herbs and annuals, move trees and work on their web site. They are a family-run business and they do not mess around. They are really, really good at what they do and devote themselves to find the best way to [...]

Kids from the FLDS and other cults are going to face assimilation into mainstream American culture. Here’s a helpful tip list.
1. All American girls wear pantyhose.
2. Please learn the salute as quickly as possible.
3. The phrase “go fly a kite” is meant to be taken literally. It’s good to know the fastest route to a [...]

I’m not sure I’m qualified to call Max Becherer a friend anymore than I call anyone who I’ve met, admired and remembered as a friend, but today the New York Times published a fine and fitting five-year remembrance of the war and the death in Iraq. I was honored to meet Max when John and [...]

Marya Hornbacher, the author of the horror story memoir, “Wasted,” will be touring for the release of her third book, “Madness: A Bipolar Life” (Houghton Mifflin). These are the tentative dates, but I’ll be there for the Minneapolis event (depending on the mood, of course.) Watch for updates, but I’ll be sending out notices to [...]

A: The same number of comedians whose work is “serious business.”

David really does the most beautiful work. It’s much more subtle than his gregarious, chatty personality would imply. He’s one of those guys who remembers quotes and anecdotes really well. And he has a great little snarky snicker. I wish one of his [...]

…only morons will be rich, armed and own wildcats.

Just think of all the legal hot potatoes in this guy’s stew:

Malpractice suits
Exotic pets
Gun ownership (by an ex-con)

Not to mention the style demerits:

Sharpie beard
Teadrop tattoos (double penalty for cliche + easy ID branding)

I love my honey-head friend Victoria. She’s so amazing. She’s a lesson of life reinvented, following your visions, self-confidence, all that crap. She has the weird ability to be best friends with every person she’s ever met and I fell in love with her the minute we met about 20 years ago as the only [...]

Did you see The Office when Phyllis got married? That’s my pal Maile Flanagan on the left! Her biggest scene was a reaction shot to her friend Steve Carrell’s line. This picture should be on next pro-same-sex rally sign.
*sigh*
Always a fan, never a star.

I can’t believe this headline. From CNN:
Accused killer of mom, fetus to face death penalty
I thought I was lucky enough to have found more proof that if a fetus is a viable human bean, pregnant woman should be allowed to drive in the commuter lanes. Or perhaps I’d found an Onion-style hack, but no, it’s [...]

For those of you who say you can’t stand reading or watching the news anymore, serve yourself a little “slice of life” from my small town newspaper. Go on, put your feet up, set a spell.
Small Town News (And Views)

Kangaroo found in Wisconsin still a mystery
Kangaroo found in Wisconsin still a mystery
Associated Press
February 28, 2005 KANGA0301
DODGEVILLE, Wis. -? Authorities in southern Wisconsin have discovered that capturing a kangaroo in a snowstorm isn’t the hard part. It’s finding out where the animal came from.
Authorities recently gave up their hunt for the owner of a red [...]

Oh, now this is a sad day. Or, yesterday was a sad day.

Prominent Pastor, Dr. Gene Scott, Dies in Los Angeles

Tuesday February 22, 1:17 am ET

LOS ANGELES, Feb. 21 /PRNewswire/ — Dr. Gene Scott, a pastor and teacher well known for his religious broadcasts carried around the world on radio and television, as well as [...]

Oh boy, spring fever! I might have posted this before, but I was looking at Ducatis this weekend and I like torturing myself. I love this guy’s writing.
From the LA times
Ducati’s 999R, a hyper-fast race bike for the street, has designs on your soul.
By Dan Neil
If you enjoy the wide-open freedom of a motorcycle, [...]

From our dearly beloved local paper. I wonder if someone goofed and simply published the text from the soldier’s email, or they just didn’t give a crap. And what does it mean? That the kids are into Green Day? That they scalp each other? That the kids are bored and fed up with white bully [...]

The Onion A.V. Club | Feature
Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it. This is a good interview with Mitchell Hurwitz, the guy behind the short-lived “Everything’s Relative,” which was only alive for about five episodes. I saw every single one and thought I had died and gone to a personal comedy heaven. Just think [...]

The New York Times > Technology > Circuits > What’s Next: An Aerial Crime-Fighting Tool Banks on Portability: “Dr. Yu-Wen Chang, the company’s president, said that he expects to sell his Kite Plane, which has a wingspan of about 4 feet and weighs less than 5 pounds, for $5,000 apiece. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s [...]

Jake, baby, you’re thinking too small. I say someone should start packing a suitcase for Hollywood. I see Burt Reynolds, no, no, make that Benicio, he’s hot, but slipping and he’s Czech or something, right? Okay, and–stay with me here, Jake–how do you like Minnie Driver for “the fellow’s wife?”

The New York Times > Week in Review > Word for Word | Border Crossing: A Guide for the Illegal Migrant: “The booklet, ‘Guide for the Mexican Migrant,’ immediately drew fire inthe United States from some members of Congress and from groups that favor tightening immigration laws. These critics called the 31-page publication a how-to [...]

Priests of 2 Catholic parishes leaving: “Both said the timing of their announcements was coincidental, and they assured parishioners that they weren’t pressured by the Archdiocese of
St. Paul and Minneapolis to leave.”
Okay, this really sucks. Does anyone know anything about this or have any idea what is planned? Of course not, no one reads this [...]

A “Letter” With An Explanatory Headline

“You are viewing an extroidinary out of this world item!! I made this sandwich 10 years ago, when I took a bite out of it, I saw a face looking up at me, It was Virgin Mary starring back at me, I was in total shock, I would like to point out there is no [...]

For anyone who cares, here’s a clue as to the mysterious disease that’s killing the little rat. I hope they just slide his body into the sewer and get on with it.
I think this was a story about Arafat having AIDS.

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-kamikaze25sep25,1,7246073.story?coll=la-headlines-world
COLUMN ONE
They’ve Outlived the Stigma
Once pariahs in Japan, ‘kamikaze survivors’ are now honored for their spirit of sacrifice. They resent being lumped in with suicide bombers.
By Bruce Wallace
Times Staff Writer
September 25, 2004
CHIRAN, Japan — These are the dusky days of old age that kamikaze pilots like Shigeyoshi Hamazono were not supposed to see.
Three times during [...]